Dreams of abandonment!

I have just woken up from an uncomfortable dream which I have been requested to tell you.

It was of a boy and a girl that were the children of a friend of mine. She had invited me round her home for a family gathering. There was the brother and sister in a carpark on a council estate by a derelict block of flats. The girl was excited to see me but I told her that I had other things to do. She knew I was going on a paranormal investigation as it was my soul purpose and I was reputable for it. Then she told me straight with a detached hateful look 'you always put that first'. When I went to my friends house to apologise for letting her down AGAIN, she was very easy about it and said 'that's okay, we know it's your life' - the kids were happy in the background doing what kids do.

This dream was uneasy to me because I could feel the sadness coming from the girl. Her brother was a happy soul and got most of the attention. She was a sensible child and brushed things off very easily but was sad inside and became cold in my presence to which I felt a tremendous amount of guilt. I knew that I'd let her down again and again by putting her brother first and having something else to do when it was her turn, and yet her she stayed hopeful.

The dream was vague but impactful and I asked my guides if it was important to remember and they said 'YES' and showed me a vision to write. Here's what they wrote.

'Your dream was memory of nasty you in future of your life if you don't let us go. Mum was in dream as friend. Friend is not into us. She into family life and that is right, actually us prefer her style in life. Us only create your horrible dream to write up for blog now'.

I then got scared again that they were going to leave me, write.

'Your abilities for transformation only. You met us when you were depressed and ready to die. Us had to keep you alive so talk to you and get you to change your ways for better life. When you in family us will go forever, you won't need us anymore'.

I still couldn't quite fathom the meaning of the dream to understand and blog it, write.

'Dream of girl was you, you were the girl in the dream. She was wise and knew she was always being last in chance to have company. She scared of never being chosen. Everyone put her bottom of pile, that point of dream. Your guilt was because you could see you had chosen us over her and she was saying aloud how hurt she was. You not say aloud that you are hurt, your pride stops you expressing your feelings because dad made you forget you had them. Use this to understand that us want you to write bible but only until people transform and not need anymore then us go from life and not return anymore until very needed like death of family or tragic realities. That is it now write blog, picture is us on earth helping'.

For context, I have never been the chosen one. My dad was a violent and cruel man and regularly beat us and used cruel tactics to prove his dominance of us. My brothers got most of the harshest beating because they were boys and scallywags (naughty) and I soon learnt to stay in the background and comply, that was my strategy to minimise my beatings. I was regularly 'sent to Coventry' and for those who do not know the English saying, it means to be ignored and not be allowed to be spoken to, acknowledged or involved in any activities. I knew that if I ever spoke out or cried, I was inviting a thorough beating from a 'built like a brick shithouse' (muscular and nasty) man that had no 'off switch'. I learnt how to be prideful and that kept me alive, it is also why I have never wanted to let it go, it has been my saviour. My pride is sacred to me, it has kept me from accepting a gift from a man that might be turned to a debt when it suits them. It has kept me from being told 'the world doesn't revolve around you' and being happy to hide from scrutiny and accepting it never revolves around me for my benefit and being okay with that knowledge and still moving on when I'm without.

My mum was always trying her best to save the boys from beatings by covering up for them. Because I was sensible enough to never be of any trouble, I was not the priority. I was a well trained, obedient and self sufficient slave and and a soul that was easy to forget.

Ironically, when my dad passed away I was more sad than I thought I would be. My logical brain knew that life was easier when he wasn't around but my soul was empty because I had no one to save, saving him from himself had become part of my existence. I tried to detach myself from his drama but life without him was lonely, drama was my comfort because it was familiar so I always went back to him out of guilt, duty and because people would comment 'he's still your dad' and I'd feel the judgement of their assumption of abandoning him when he had manic depressive espisode, as if I was the disloyal, uncaring one. It was a couple of years after he died that I started to noticed he was missing and I was almost completely alone, it's strange having no parents, grandparents or uncles and aunties to fall back on. Then the pandemic happened and I was completely lost without a reason to go on, I had had enough. I wasn't going to commit suicide but wasn't scared of death if it came my way, infact I was looking forward to it. I'd finally get to be with my lost family again and that seemed more important to me than myself.

When I discovered dowsing and collected evidence of Human Sacrifice events that were 'proven untrue' by the establishment, I became alive again as I had a quest to solve mysteries and put right the wrongs of the establishment. But I now understand that exposure is in hand and I am not needed in that area.

Bye for now 👋