When decay turns to new beginnings!

Air > Metal = Decay Rust > Earth = Mineralised Soil All decay recycles for new life

In my previous blog https://www.dustydowser.com/post/the-horrors-of-child-abuse I explained that my dowser had told me I'd been abused, of which I can't recall. I also said that I couldn't share the details of my personal investigations because I am unsure where to source the information provided from source.

I also said that certain information given about events that happened around that time, make it plausible that what was revealed, could be true.

Before I share with you some of many snippets, I will tell you about my automatic writing experience that inspired this blog.

This morning I had a family request to help out my brothers girlfriend in her shop as she'd had an injury. I told him I'd already made commitments to another relating to my own goals and was unable to help out. My guides said write, then told me I was wrong to dismiss the request as I should put my family first.

'Mastery is putting family first and not your desire for your own dreams. Use this information to understand that family needs to come before your desire for dreams'

I was torn now, I rang her to see how hurt she was so I could make a better decision. She asked how things were going with me and not to worry for now and that she needed rest and recovery to assess the situation.

In my mind I was thinking about all the sacrifices I'd made in life by putting my family before my own needs. As a child I was a proper Cinderella. And when my mum died at the age of 13, her death bed request was that I 'look after the boys'. I took it conpletely literally and amplified my efforts to make sure they were kept comfortably with washing and meals. I schooled, worked and took her place in the home and I honoured her request with PRIDE.

When I started to use an alphabet chart to speak to the dead, my mum came through and told me she was angry at Dad for all his 'CUNTY WOMEN' and that I was to 'USE ZEE, HE TELL YOU WHO'. I asked if she felt betrayed and hurt that I loved dad and stood by him to which she replied, 'NO I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU NO MATTER WHAT - YOU ME ONENESS'. As you can imagine this was incredibly emotional, I hadn't had real one to one contact for 30 ish years.

My dowser then said 'DAD HERE'. I asked if I had permission to speak to him as he was darkness and felt like I was betraying my mums honour after her revelations 'YES'.

DAD - 'I'M SORRY FOR TREATING YOU LIKE A BOT. WOMEN NOT HAPPY WITH ME, YOU CAN CHANGE THAT - I WILL MOW YOUR LAWN'

This was crytpic, what did 'Mow your lawn' mean? And what was I supposed to do to change how my mum and nans felt about him. I knew that this was true and I wasn't making it up because during a Shamanic Journey Trance we were to meet our loved ones. I saw that my entire family were in a circle gathering and joyous. He was sad and alone outside the circle, blocked from coming in. I understood why he was banished, he didn't deserve to be there.

I spoke to my mum again. I was torn about doing the right thing, surely heaven was about forgiveness right? Me - 'Do you think you'll ever forgive Dad?' 'NO I HATE HIM FOR WHAT HE DONE TO YOU AND US, I WILL NEVER FORGIVE HIM'.

I then went on to understand what happens to souls in the afterlife and started to map out dimensional parrallel invisible realms. My dad was assigned you dimension 2 on his passing, meaning he only had a 2 dimensional experience. Or, in other words, limited senses. I had a dream about it during a friend I visited who lost due to suicide. The people on this realm were disfigured and strange and cruel, very broken in spirit. I asked if this was dimension 2 and got a 'YES'. My guides wrote 'DAD SENT HERE TO MPW YOUR LAWN AND PUT THINGS RIGHT. HE NEEDS TO KNOW WHAT HE HAS DONE TO OTHERS. RETRIBUTION'.

Getting back to some of the events that lead me to be open to the possibility that I may have been sexually abused.

When I was investigating 'CUNTY WOMEN' I placed names on the table to investigate. My pendulum went over to some for the 'Betrayal' pile, and one person was put in the 'Loyal' pile. I didn't know how to approach her to say that I'd been speaking to my dead mum and could she confirm that what was being told was true. You can hardly go up to someone and say 'I speak to the dead on a Ouija Style Board and mum told me that you were her best and most loyal friend and by the way, did dad have affairs with these women?' I'd be put in an institution 😂

However, my guides told me I was to become 'MORE FRIEND TO FAMILY' as they liked and wanted to help me 🥲. I'd had conflict in the past about them as Dad had fallen out with most of them and blackened their name to me, especially the loyal friend. I knew dad was a compulsive liar but occassionally he scattered truth in his disillusional rambles and it left me with permenant confusion.

A chance meeting lead to a breakthrough. We were on her daughters kitchen talking abput pld times. I became bold and told her what mum had said to me. I remember feeling foolish but knew chances were limited so went for it. She went on to confirm that mums revelations were true and that she tried, on many occassions to help mum leave dad. I felt bad for all the doubts I'd had about the family and I finally put to rest dads false claims. She was loyal to my mum and I felt blessed.

PART 2

So that's the backstory of this blog leading me to the main point. What inspired this blog was my conflict of doing right by my family or doing right by myself?

Being torn, my guides insisted on assisting me. They, have spent many hours, days, weeks, months and years getting me to understand my worth and putting my value up in life. So I started to think 'If I stop what I am doing and help out then I am continuing the cycle of STOP/START that seems to be a theme throughout my existence. She has a big family to help rescue her, does she need me to save her?'

My guides then said write.

'Brother will want you to help out, he is thinking you don't care about his side anymore and only for self. He is your family so please him and not his girlfriend. Don't let your current situation get in way of your relationship with Mark, they have no loyalty to you, stop your pride'.

I completely understand this. But what I am doing right now is a way to use my gift to those that want it. If I stop, I may not get a chance to go back as the business is up for sale and other avenues relating to it may close the door on me for not being available. I am proud of my reputation as reliable and detest appearing flakey.

Because I have had a few experiences where I have been guided to put myself forward for job opportunites and they haven't worked out, I was sceptical about trusting in their guidence. It has been proven that I have been right about outcomes I expected but did as I was told and usually it ended with me broken a bit more.

'Stop talking to us if you have answers already'.

I then went on to test I had the correct source guiding me, a thing I do when it doesn't make sense to me on why they want me to experience an unbeneficial for me event.

'Us understand you are torn between what us taught you in the past and what us tell you now. Us realise that us have told you things in past that haven't worked out for you and that is why you want to listen to yourself in this instance. Learn to do what is right without us to guide you. That will be it.

IT, what is it?

'You follow your own path and never be influenced by us. When us say 'It' we mean for the degradingness of yourself. WTF??? 'Yes, following your own path will decay you sooner, then you follow us'. 'Are you saying that decaying is good for me'? 'No decaying you will not be a good thing for you. But us want you to be decay so we can prove that we mend broken soul'.

'Why can you mend my broken soul now? Why are you waiting for me to become dust before you put me back together'? 'Good question'.

'Us realise this seems odd to you. Being broken will get more stars into your orbit. The more broken you are the more stars come to revitalise you. When you snuffed you were uploaded with prowess. Prowess is us inside you, not you. 'Do you mean extra abilities?' 'Yes, those you can't understand until us do for you'

'It was when you were dead that us revitalised you for intelligence in school. You stopped being so shy and put yourself forward more to people who rob your talent.

I was transported back to school, around the age of 10/11. Before then I was a very shy child, very slow and unsure. I would tremble at reading infront of the class and was hopeless at most things. I wanted to be popular and part of the 'in gang' but my crippling shyness left me wanting to be the untalented one that got left alone. I couldn't cope with any form of feedback and would cry easily at any mild disapproval. Then suddenly everything changed.

I got in with the posh, top of the class kids and suddenly became popular. I had a fight with the top class cool guy bully and won the fight. I split my skirt kneeing him in the face several times and went on to repeatedly bashed his head against a wall. When I heard his screams, I snapped out of my frenzy and sat in the corner and cried. I was terrified mum would be angry at me for another split skirt. Sewing, amongst many other chores, was a Sunday night ritual. My dad would insist we never had anything new because he was too busy spending his money on horses and pigeons.

I was also scared that the boy in question would get a bollocking for letting a girl beat him up. His dad was a friend of my dads so I knew he'd be told. I was more afraid of what I'd done and what the repercussions would me for me, I was sick with dread. I sat in the corner repeating to my teacher through a snotty nose in utter distraught tears 'I'm going to get hammered for this'

Many other bright and cheery things at school happened after that. I remember sitting a maths exam to decide what level 'Set' I was to be placed. When I saw that I was to be in 'Set 1', the highest level, I panicked and went to the teacher to explain they'd made a mistake. I assumed he'd recheck and lower me truthfully and be pleased I'd corrected him. But instead he did the recheck then told me off for wasting his time. I felt like a 'waste of space' and then, 'Shit, what if I'm out of my league. I can't be in Set 1, it's for posh kids with great homes?' I sensed I'd be humiliated and made an example of in front of everyone. I never ever felt proud of that moment due to my next story that happened prior to this. Or for that matter, any others that came after whilst under my dads darkness and my families reputation as bad.

This is the occurence that happened shortly after I told mum I didn't want be babysat by my beloved male babysitter, I never told her why. And this is what was reminded to me about me being robbed as told in their writing. Her name was Helen.

In English I wrote a poem. I can't remember it all but it started 'Fresh green grass, blossom on the tree's'. I was so proud of it. Helen was next to me and I proudly shared it with her. We then handed in our poems, Helen was chosen to hand hers in before me to read to the teacher. From afar I could spot Helens smugness and gloating at me, quiet whispers and hostile looks. I was then shouted at to 'Come up here' by an angry teacher. 'Why did you copy Helens poem?' She asked with disgust. 'I wrote it', I protested in horror, but my innocence was overlooked for special posh Helen. 'I'm sending a note home to your parents for detention explaining why you're to stay behind'. In trepidation I tried again, stuttering and stammering over my words, courage lost. 'I don't believe you' - MATTER CLOSED, she was adamant that I was lying. It was sad to me that when Helen got the poem displayed proudly on the notice board as 'Best Poem, by Helen Robins', that the teacher thought so little of me to produce such a peace of work. I accepted the humilation of not being believed by anyone and kept my trap shut about it to my new friends, I was enjoying my new found fake popularity too much to rock the boat and didn't want to outed from the group. 'Don't worry about it, you can have it' I exclaimed kindly to Helen. She looked guilty as hell when dad came to the school with explosive insults to tell the teachers I was never to be kept after school, after that she was extra kind to me. He was strange like that. He protected us from teachers discipline but never protected us from his evil villian friends.

'Yes, like the poem you wrote and teacher thought it was taken by you from another. They not believe you, they thought you too meak to write such things. That is prowess. Us wrong to say that should go to help out brothers girlfriend. You understand now that broken is when you improve in life and that's what us wanted to explain to you. Write this in blog. You were right not to take us advice. Us test you to explain prowess'