Spiritual Awakening isn't all love and light...... It's wondering if you're going MAD!

I was brought up in an agnostic home. My mum let us go to Sunday school as they had a youth club and it kept us entertained and gave her a bit of peace, but both my parents recited the same message 'there ain't no god, it's a load of rubbish, when you're dead you're dead and that's the end of it'. My nan loved her bible and would often get into heated debates which would end in her and my father agreeing to disagree, that was the end of that and I'm sure many of you have had similar experiences.

When my mum passed I was just 13 and desperately wanted, NEEDED to believe that I'd meet her again. After years of grief my dad got a girlfriend who introduced me to a spiritualist church and although I was never chosen, I took comfort in people having messages from their loved ones and hoped that one day my mum would come and say hello, this didn't happen until I was 28.

I saw psychics occasionally and learned over time that some messages were rather vague and could apply to most people and battled with my thoughts of whether they were genuine or if I was just wanting them to fit because I wanted to believe. I attended many Mind Body Spirit fares and bought astrology readings etc and dipped in and out, like most people do.

Around my late 20's my grandad died. He always sat in his favourite chair on a Saturday afternoon watching the racing. When my brother called to say nan had phoned to say she thought grandad was dead, we rushed round, it was just before 17:00. Nan said she noticed the TV was switched off so went to check on him (he'd snooze through it) and couldn't wake him up. The paramedic confirmed he'd been dead about an hour and when I looked at the clock in the hallway and the kitchen, both of them had stopped at 15:56 and the 17 year old TV never worked again.

I told my nan that grandad took the TV with him and said that electronics and clocks stopping were things others had witnessed in similar circumstances when losing a loved one. She wasn't really a believer so we didn't discuss it again. I'd often want to talk about my readings to find out if things were true but was usually met with 'you waste your money on that rubbish, they're having you over', discussions about the afterlife were a dead end.

During my mid 30's I was having a hard time. Every aspect of my life was in turmoil. I was in debt, I hated my job, I lived away from my family, my addictions were rife and nan had not long passed. She died when I was on holiday in South Africa. I don't know if this is relevant but we were on a long road trip and driving very fast along a dusty road when a cow stepped out in front of us. The breaks got slammed on and we didn't swerve or roll or hit the cow. My friend who was driving was shocked that nothing happened to us as usually incidents like that resulted in crashes and fatalities, I was convinced nan was helping me out 😜

When I got home I went to my Nan's house to check out what needed to be saved or dumped and saw that the clock in the kitchen had stopped at 15:56. Even though my nan had died in the early hours, I think she was reaching out to me to say she'd made it to the other side 🥰

Soon after I attended a Mind Body Spirit fare and had my aura photographed. I had a red aura which was very fitting to my personality at the time. I was an ambitious career woman and very unstable. My root Chakra was VERY dark and disproportionate to the rest. The vendor pointed out that in the top left hand corner of my crown, he could see a faint violet hue that suggested I had psychic abilities but they were blocked and I need to be more open to spirit. I was a bit hurt and a bit pleased. I would have loved to have believed I had some ability, I was always reading tarot cards from a book for myself and friends but thought you either had it or you didn't and that I just didn't have a gift.

I was curious to see if this photo thingy was real and noticed a disabled woman who was partially sighted doing aura drawings so I had one done to see if it matched up. Sure enough her colours matched exactly to that of the photograph including the violet hue in the top left hand corner coming from my crown. In addition to this she said I had an elderly lady with me and sketched a vague picture of the face in the drawing. She was wearing a thin faint headband. My nan wore a thin headband, she was with me 🥰

Just prior I'd had a reading and my other grandad had come to tell me that it would soon be over and things were going to get better. She said 'I can't quite translate this so I'm going to tell you what he's showing me. It's a road sign and he's saying there's something on it that reminds you of him, I'm not sure if it's symbolic but it means you're going in the right direction'. I didn't know what to make of this and put it to one side but a few months later after a very long, wet, cold,. lonely, stressful and skint year, my nan and her brother died shortly after each other leaving me enough inheritance to pay my debt and leave my job. I had no idea what I was going to do next, I just wanted out.

I'd incidently joined a witches circle because the personal development group I wanted to go on got cancelled so figured I'd try this instead. I found this to be very entertaining and there I met a lady who was creating another group which I decided to go to. When she gave me the address I thought it looked really familiar, like I'd read it in a family heirloom or something. I rang my dad to see if he knew of it (bearing in mind I'd moved for my job away from my home town) and sure enough it was were he grew up, went to school and met my mum. I later realised I'd seen the address in his childhood bible. This group was being held in a beauty salon and as I was new to this I had no idea about spell casting, I asked if she could do a spell for guidance on what my next career move should be.

The next day, the first thing I saw on my Facebook was 'student loans for beauty and massage'. I was at a beauty salon the previous night and my grandad had told me that a road sign that reminded me of him was the right direction, so I went back to school to study massage 🤗 and happen to be very good at (according to my clients 😉).

After this I moved back to my home town and decided to become a taxi driver to supplement my income whilst I was building a client base. My dad's health was fading and I slowly found myself caring for him more and more. During this time I decided to visit my friend in Dubai. She had booked to go to Jordan at the very time I was going to see her and I said that I'd stay in Dubai and that she should go without me, but she insisted I go and paid for my ticket. I wasn't that bothered but didn't want to hurt her feelings so off I trotted with no expectation.

I LOVED IT!!!! I can't really describe why I loved it so much but when we visited the River Jordan where Jesus was apparently baptised, the only thing I can say is that I felt a holy presence. It was just so calming and ......HOLY. I don't know what holy feels like but it's the only word I have. I know I was meant to go on that trip.

Life went on and then one day I was in my taxi and my Nan's old address came up on my work phone for a job and quickly got cancelled. It shocked me as I'd not been to that address since she'd died a couple of years prior. Then I remembered, it was her birthday and I noticed the time 15:56 😳😱🥳 I'm terrible at remembering birthdays, I guess nan just wanted to send me a little reminder that I'd forgotten hers and NOT TO FORGET HER 😂

I don't think anyone could argue that these events are just coincidences..... No way, there's been others!

Around 2017 I was lucky enough to go on a Shamanic Retreat that was being arranged by a lady I'd met during my massage course, we'd stayed in contact via Facebook and someone had dropped out. I just happened to be free that week AND had money, so off I went, not knowing that this would be the next stage in my development. I had no idea what I was letting myself into and remember thinking 'I must be mad, what will my friends think, I'm crazy, I'm wearing a wolf skin and have my face tribally painted and I'm banging a drum and doing rituals and ceremonies and ..... If my friends saw my now 🤦🏼‍♀️' ha ha ha ha. But I LOVED every moment of it and met my Tribe 🥰 so much so I went back the following year. I'd also been selected to have a Soul Retrieval .... Very healing 🙂

2018 was a turning point. My dad had passed away halfway through the year, I'd become homeless, had accumulated debt AGAIN due to the circumstances of his death and I decided to move to be with a friend would was having difficulties. I made it to my Retreat, nothing was going to stop me. During one of my 'Journey's' (it's sort of meditation with a drum that gives you visual messages) I found myself in a palace and was being crowned. When I described to our Shamanic Practitioner the details of my journey, he said that I was being initiated and was going on a spiritual and religious quest. I remember during one of our sacred rituals that I asked to be a servant of God and be used as a channel for his work. I knew this was the direction I wanted my life to go, it's the only thing that gave my existence any meaning. I no longer craved partying or the usual forms of entertainment of my former life. I wanted to be a healer, I wanted to work for God. A QUEST is exactly what I got!!!

The Pandemic hit. My friend and I parted as I we had different views on how to conduct ourselves during this awkward transition. I was working in a care home at the time and it didn't blend well with her circumstances. I was trapped in a tiny room, isolated and going mad. Literally, if I hadn't of left it would have broken me. I've always been a freedom warrior and I felt like a prisoner, it was dreadful, I had to get out so moved back to my hometown. During that time I started to read about Starseeds. I didn't really know what they were and wanted to know if I was one so sent off a photograph to have my aura read.

They confirmed that my aura was a pure white light and that my healing process was just about complete and that I was an Indigo starseed. AND, they could see the violet hue which was dominant in the left but covered more space and the perimeter than my previous pictures. I thought auras were set, but have since learned that they're not.

If you're spiritually minded you'd most likely be aware that 2020 is 'The Mass Awakening'. I can only speak for myself but I now know that all the events that happened prior was preparing me for this. 2020 was harsh. I went down so many rabbit holes, I got lost in them. I spent the first part of the year researching facts, stats, figures, official authority websites to try and piece things together.

During my former days I wrote many publications and done a couple of adverts. I was a trainer and engagement officer and understood PR. Now I'm not professing to be a professional superstar, but I know enough to spot a propaganda campaign. I'm also qualified in Advanced Food Hygiene in which one learns about bacteria and viruses, I'm qualified in Anatomy and Physiology, NLP, have done many high end personal development courses, seminars and training events and know enough about the FIAT currency system, health and wellbeing. I basically knew enough to smell a rat. Having had a difficult up bringing I understand and 'get' Stockholm Syndrome, toxic controlling relationships and how these effect ones mental health. My father was a lifelong prescription drug addict due to his mental health issues, I know how harmful pharmaceuticals can be. I noticed that all of the things that create great health and vitality were being denied and all the things that generate disease were being installed. One of my friends is a promoter for a tobacco company and is listed as an essential worker 🤦🏼‍♀️🤨 just what you need for a respiratory disease 🙃

I became VERY low. I felt like humanity was walking into its own extinction with the Transhuman agenda (World Economic Forum). All my elders were now dead and I missed having a family and a home. I basically had nothing to lose and in many ways this is very liberating. When you're not attached to a certain lifestyle it changes ones approach to making choices.

It was at this very VERY low point I discovered dowsing and managed to contact my guides. I can't even begin to tell you how much I have unlearned since I've been working with them. Unlearned and relearned. I'm sharing with you my journey in these blogs but there's so much more. Its hard to put into words all that I have learnt and experienced, I'll get there though 😉

I was told that Jordan was where I first felt Jesus, and I did.

Some of my earliest experiences, they encouraged me to go LIVE on Facebook, as they said 'Dusty better LIVE' so I did. They spelled out 'Dusty doesn't know how powerful she is'. I remember feeling a bit embarrassed by this and still think it a bit odd, but I know what I'm experiencing. I'm not trying to knock anyone but I do find there's alot of pretentious 'spiritual' types. I guess I've bought many a spiritual package in the past that hasn't worked and get disillusioned by the hype. Whilst the practice of meditation, yoga and eating healthy is good, it's not where you learn the most.

I asked them why they chose me and they said 'we see you sat drinking tea, angry at pisstake' 😂😂😂 this was funny as that's literally how it was. Me drinking tea all day researching data like crazy and declaring I would NOT merge into AI 🤣 My Freedom Warrior purpose had finally arrived.

I watched a video recently (Psychosis or Spiritual Awakening - Phil Borges) about a guy who explored different types of Shamans (I was trying to find others experiences of awakening symptoms to see if I was going going mad). And what he found was that most became awakened after intense trauma. I totally relate to this. Each time I've been in a pickle and at a low point, I notice spirit is so much closer. I see more, feel more and experience more. My Tribe Practitioner always said to us 'if you embark on this journey, don't think it's all airy fairy love and light coz it's not, you have to into the darkness coz that's where alot of the answers lie, in the shadows', he wasn't wrong!!!!

It's quite ironic that I've gone from sensitive child and was desensitised in an atheist and hardened environment. My journey has taken me from personal development, counseling, coaching and other socially acceptable therapies to the Spiritual movement, new age I guess you could call it, witchcraft, shamanism, ET's, quantum physics and now biblical prophecy which concept seems to package the whole together when not taken in a literal sense.

When we look at different religions, approaches and belief systems, we often think of them as separate things and play them off against each other as to which one is THE ONE. Actually, they're all components of the Cosmos and completely valid and needed. I think of them as body systems. Each system relies on the others.

Is you're reading this and resonate that you may be having a "spiritual awakening' and you're confused about where to start, I'd suggest you start with God. I'm pretty such you'll be introduced to the most appropriate guides at the time to help the evolution of your soul ❤️ if you don't like the word God, choose 'Holy Spirit' or 'Universe', choose what you feel is right for you - sending you all blessings 🙏