The mirror of shame is just an illusion - read this if you suffer from 'Ageism'!

Yesterday I was designing my Oracle Deck and the last card I created was the planet 'XO Make Make'. The purpose is to ask the Archangel Raphael to release Conceit, Wrath, Ego, Entitlement and Vanity. This card really triggered me, in particular relating to Vanity, like most women over 40, I struggle with 'Ageism' and deny that I'm going to grow old gracefully and be happy with it. And what's more, I tend to prefer young, fit, good-looking men and see that the girls they're mostly interested in tend to be young, slim, toned selfie and social media queen's. If that doesn't make you want to throw in the towel and eat cake, I don't know what does!

A couple of days before I was doing that thing people (I suspect mostly women) do in the mirror. Lift and stretch skin to it's former youth and wonder when surgery would be appropriate and how I'm gonna fund it. When time is not on your side, it's easy to start these fantasies so you can validate your worth to the dating game. I've never had a great body. I put on lots of weight after mum passed and when I lost it at 18, I was left with stretch marks and a bit of sag. This cycle has been a dominant feature throughout most of my entire life and it's true to say, I have internal and external scarring from it.

I'm not writing this so I can indulge in a pity party, those days are gone. I'm simply sharing with you what I suspect many women go through, and more importantly, how my guides are helping me.

I have been informed of my Twinflame. A Twinflame is your divine counterpart and the purpose is to trigger old wounds, clean them up, correct the damage in preparation for union. Not everyone goes through this in their life time, it's for those on their last incarnation and it's painful as they are a mirror of you, you're the same soul. They're also very opposite in many ways as each completes the other, like a plug and a socket. What's great in them is your challenge, what's great in you is theirs. Super comparison magnified 🤦🏼‍♀️ And my Twinflame happens to be fit 😳. From previous readings I'd been told that I'd be ready to meet him when I finally loved and accepted myself, with all my flaws. I really wanted another mission, one I knew I could accomplish, this one just seemed too difficult, I really didn't know how I was going to achieve this, I cried.

I made some cosmic discoveries yesterday as I was guided to map out planets, their placements and purpose. During this I discovered that Pluto was on Realm 73 and was a planet of Clones. It was 'clone gods' and also 'hell', here's a picture.

As you can see it's as far away as possible and it's also where the pedophiles and necrophiliacs go. In addition to this, it's also who The Vatican use to cast their black magic which has kept Earth trapped in enslavement and austerity. It does this via the planet Eris that creates the waves in the QI so that we 'cycle backwards'.

Anyway. After my bout of self loathing, I got to work on my daily cosmic findings and got pointed to 'Andromeda' 'angry' face. They clearly wasn't happy that I had vanity and was about to show me why it was wrong, or so I thought. My guides took me on a journey of discovery regarding my Twinflames previous partners. They're all the opposite of me so I was trying to get my head around why I was his type when he clearly was attracted to women who were not like me. Through my pendulum pointing to charms, words on my cards and items in my room, I was able to form an understanding. They pointed to my bin bag meaning 'trash' and then to the Pluto card and to the word 'Fake' and the symbols of shame and fear. I eventually derived from this (and was given confirmation) that he chose women for 'sex only' (fake and trash) and 'karmic' (toxic relationship) due to the shame in his heart of loving an older woman and worrying about how his peers would perceive him. There was also an indication that he was fearful of my power and 'glow' (the power I radiate) due to not being able to hide his skeletons. They spelt out 'gentle' and 'original' (from letters of words and cards I had on my table lol) and placed it on the star card which symbolised me.

I'm not trying to sound boastful, and there are many other words and symbols they placed to each character involved in the Quantum Entanglement spiders web I designed and I won't divulge all as it's important to protect the privacy of others. I'm merely pointing out that after the session I got it, they helped me understand my good points and that even with my flaws, my Twinflames 'style' was my attributes, he just hasn't quite overcome his own anxieties and flaws yet. And if you're wondering if they have been cruel about the other characters involved in the Entanglement, they haven't. They have given me enough information to have compassion for them as they too are dealing with their own deep rooted insecurities, like my Twinflame and me.

The method they have used and the information provided has helped me have compassion for us all. It's not like any of us are bad people, we just have had ancestral conditioning that has shown itself in physical or emotional damage.

When you're a lifelong fatty, you hold alot of guilt and shame about not being able to stick to diets or exercise and constantly put yourself down. And whilst personal responsibility is a good thing, not acknowledging other things that attributed to the outcome can be harmful. Stories that you tell yourself like 'I'm greedy and lazy' are not actually true but seem true when others seems to either stay effortlessly slim or at best have the motivation to work on it.

In previous sessions they'd told me that I had 'PTSD' from mums death and there's been other revelations along the way. When I asked what my fat was due to they pointed to the word 'anxiety' and 'hormones', flabby was 'stress'. They suggested HRT few months ago and it seems to have helped my nightly panic attacks. I asked what caused this and they spelt 'dad violent', this made me really cry. I've forgiven my dad for the way he was, I loved him dearly and still do. I understand the drugs he was using created a monster and that deep down he was a great man. But I think what I'm mostly crying about isn't that I had a violent upbringing and was motherless, it's that most of my adult life I've blamed myself. The guilt and shame I've burdened has come out in a wash of emotion and that's where the healing takes place.

Guilt and shame is the lowest form of psychological damage and in my opinion, supercedes fear. Fear usually only effect you. Carrying shame and guilt for not being enough for others hold alot more responsibility which is why the dark use it as a tactic in their psychological warfare.

Whilst I am still in recovery I am assured by them that I will be ready when the time is right to meet my Twinflame. My body will be toned enough so that I feel comfortable naked. I have been given strategies to help improve this process such as food choices, affordable body sculpture devices, my hunger has been removed as I no longer feel empty inside. My body is involuntary contracting and moving to build my muscles, my stress is going and the causes of my anxieties have been revealed to me and released. It's not easy but it is gentle, kind and private. I am truly grateful for their connection. Not only have I been taught QI codes to help others, but every time negative words or symbols relating to myself and others are pointed to, my pendulum rotates very fast in certain places indicating that energy reversal has been performed. AND I know that many people who are suffering like me are going to have their own unique experience of healing and restoration. Laser beams from the crystalline cities are coming through the portal to clear the deadwood and make room for the healing of humanity. So if you're reading this and resonate, don't stress too much, the cosmos has got your back 😉 and if you're interested in a personal reading, feel free to contact me 😁